Officially Rotten: Marvel’s ‘Eternals’ – So Bad Even Positive Reviews are Crummy


 

Tell us you don’t get Jack Kirby without telling us you don’t get Jack Kirby.

 

To say that Marvel’s forthcoming Eternals has received unfavorable reviews, would be an understatement. And once you consider all of the elements involved, as a movie with all the hallmarks to be the darling of the “wokest” of critics, even the relatively positive reviews indicate that this film is a complete disaster.

 

Eternals, which opens in the US this Friday, is the centerpiece of what the Marvel Cinematic Universe refers to as “Phase IV.” The formal premiere of “Phase IV” was Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings, which is already a box office letdown (only $422 million globally), but Eternals was supposed to be the “big one”, the one with lots of “big” stars, and this $200 million+ production clocks in at 156 minutes, so you know that “it matters.”

 

 

 

 

Phase IV also apparently marks the beginning of Marvel’s next “woke” age. If you’ve been ignoring entertainment media this week, you may have missed that Eternals boasts a very diverse cast of characters; ethnic minorities, women, and even an LGBT character, and it’s directed by Oscar winner Chloé Zhao, an Asian woman. It’s different! It’s inclusive! And once you factor this ticked boxed with the fact that this is a Disney film, you have just the kind of movie that those left-wing critical elites are usually very thirsty to publicly swoon about.

 

Except, they ain’t exactly swooning over this dud.

 

 

Over at the dubious Rotten Tomatoes, Eternals sits at a rotten 59 percent rating. But even the latest Marvel movie’s “positive” reviews seem lackluster.

 

There’s this from Rolling Stone

 

The Hot Gods of ‘Eternals’ Will Bore You to Death With Their Feelings

Yet even when the Eternals fight amongst themselves, they’re boring about it. Eternals is so busy showing off what it can do, where it can go, that it bypasses and overlooks what it really has to offer.

 

And this from the San Francisco Chronicle:

 

With ‘Eternals,’ Marvel is scraping the bottom of the barrel

[…]there’s a gay Eternal (Brian Tyree Henry); a deaf Eternal (played by deaf actress Lauren Ridloff); and three Asian Eternals played by Kumail Nanjiani, Don Lee and Gemma Chan. And the inclusion is welcome, which makes “Eternals” a virtuous production. But that’s not the same as a good movie.

 

There are dozens more examples. But what makes this feint praise so stunning is that so many movies and television shows today can usually garner undeserved critical acclaim based only on their woke bonafides or if they supply the approved political message. And furthermore, Disney generally always gets a pass in particular because everyone wants to be liked by the House of Mouse. 

 

That’s never been an affliction we’ve suffered from at Bleeding Fool. But the Disney shills are still out there shamefully defending the film with the last shred of what’s left of their dignity.

 

 

Suffice to say, this ain’t good for Disney, and after trashing the Muppets, and destroying the Star Wars brand, their next most valuable asset is also bout to lose its luster as well. And this cancer isn’t just affecting Disney and Marvel. Fatal woke-ness has been consuming many other once popular brands,  Wonder Woman, Ghostbusters, Terminator, Men in Black, Birds of Prey, Charlie’s Angels and so on, all killed by woke.

 

What’s next? How about Indiana Jones? Buy physical media, and enjoy the classics, my friend.


Jamison Ashley

Comic geek, movie nerd, father, and husband - but not necessarily in that order. Former captain of this ship o' fools secretly training everyone's computers and snarkphone spell-checkers to misspell 'supposebly.'

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