‘Star Wars: The Acolyte’ Goes Skin-Flick and Bleeding Fool Gets Results!


The writers of Star Wars The Acolyte never fail to impress.  Last week they offered the greatest fight scene since the original Road House and this week it was an absolutely hilarious send-up of the soap opera genre, an episode built around conversations that never quite finish because the quiche is going to burn or the sexy repair man is waiting at the door.


It also has fun with endless role-reversals, including nudity and exploitation.  I bet you thought I was kidding when I said this series is turning into Zardoz.  


Expectations Fully Subverted

Leslye Headland is a certified grand master of subverting expectations.  With the series more than halfway over, one would have expected the blistering and brilliant fight scenes in episode 5 to be followed up by shocking new revelations and emotional betrayals.  


Not on your life.  No, Headland’s writing team deftly slammed on the brakes, bringing everything to a screeching halt and focusing instead on an erotic slow burn between Smylo Ren and the “good twin.”  At least I think it was the good twin, but it may have been the bad one pretending to be the good one pretending to be the bad one.  I mean it’s all wheels within wheels, isn’t it?  Genius.



Queer Eye for the Sith Guy

And how about the continued deployment of hot shirtless dudes to thrill the vast gay viewership of Disney’s gay Star Wars?  Yeah, the chicks may enjoy it, but we all know what the diminutive, male-dressed petite girl with the boyish haircut furtively clutching that lightsaber shaft before a ripped naked dude was really supposed to symbolize, don’t we?  “I just wanted to teach my pupil, but the Jedi wouldn’t allow it.”  Uh huh.  


Honestly, the most astonishing part of this is that no one else seems to have picked up this obvious grooming allegory.  Many of them seem to fallen into the trap of thinking this was a hypocritical sop to thirsty feminists.  Embrace the healing power of “and” my friends.  Disney’s creating a veritable Popular Front of degeneracy right before our very eyes.  It’s a bold move, and I’m excited to see how it plays out.



Someone’s Knocking at the Door, Somebody’s Ringing the Bell

I’ve seen a lot of folks expressing frustration that Squid Game Guy’s ship seems to have endless, inexplicable mishaps, particularly with the communications system.  This is an obvious send-up of The Empire Strikes Back, where the battered Millennium Falcon is tormented by mechanical failures.  I mean, it is kind of a stretch that the Jedi of the High Republic use ships in such poor repair, but that’s just another subverted expectation, isn’t it?


The fact that the worth “Sith” can never be spoken is also a marvelous comedic deployment.  I was honestly expecting laugh tracks or maybe a Voldemort reference.



Bleeding Fool Gets Results!

I’ve saved the best for last.  In my last column I noted that the Jedi are somewhat obsessed with giving their own a proper burial, and I mentioned the scenes in both Return of the Jedi and Phantom Menace, but I omitted the fact that in Star Wars Obi-wan directs the droids to gather up the slaughtered Jawas and burn them, demonstrating that the Jedi believe even desert scavengers deserve some sort of decent burial.


And yet in last week’s episode, no effort at all was made to bury the fallen Jedi or even gather up their lightsabers.  Our own Shark of Paper also noted this profound oversight.


Well, Disparu did too (heh), and at the very end of the sixth episode, he has highlighted that the Green Jedi Chick’s voice was very obviously dubbed in as she was walking away from the battlefield, directing the Jedi to bury their dead.



Some might claim that this is a bit of a clout-chasing stretch, but I am absolutely sure that Disney has people dedicated to scraping news items about their shows for rapid response.  Indeed, almost exactly 14 years ago I was doing just that while on a National Guard deployment to the Deepwater Horizon oil spill.  Each day we composed a digest of news stories, blog entries, Youtube videos, etc. so that our leadership could respond to public concerns.  It never did, but we did the work anyway.


Being far more media savvy than the Coast Guard, someone in Disney’s upper ranks is clearly reviewing this material and ordered a change to be made before the sixth episode was broadcast.


So we are moving the needle.


Can’t wait for the next episode!



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A.H. Lloyd

Best-selling author and curmudgeon. Retired senior NCO. Read my other insights at www.ahlloyd.com and buy my brilliant books.