How to Assemble Your Very Own Time Machine

 

Did you know that you own a time machine?

 

As a matter of fact, you probably own several.

 

Even if you don’t have all the necessary components, any missing parts of your homemade time machine will be relatively easy and cost-effective to obtain.

 

In this post, I will tell you everything you need to assemble time machines capable of transporting you to each pre-Cultural Ground Zero era.

 

If you’re interested in taking a vacation from Current Year and revisiting the world of your childhood, read on.

 

First stop …

 

The Early 80s

 

 

Here’s how to relive the glory days of Lucasfilm, video arcades, and glam metal:

 

  • Use some vacation time in early fall, on what would have been the first day of the new school year you’d have cut class.
  • In a semi-finished basement room, pull out your vintage Atari 2600, hook it up to a 13″ CRT TV, the kind with analog dials.
  • Grab a bag of Funyuns, a six-pack of 7-Up, and enjoy the audio/video/taste experience. 

 

 

Atari 2600 Space Invaders

 

If you’re younger than Gen X or just in the mood for a slightly more sophisticated destination, here’s your ticket to …

 

The Mid-80s

 

Perform the following steps to go back to the heyday of John Hughes comedies, wacky sitcoms, and Reaganomics.

 

  • Wait for a weekday in early spring when you’ll be alone in the house. After school hours, around the time you’d let yourself in with the key in the mailbox, go to your bedroom.
  • Take with you a bag of pizza Combos and a pitcher of Berry Blue Kool-Aid.
  • Use the same CRT TV as above, but swap out your Atari for your NES. Slide the original gold Legend of Zelda pak into the control deck, and explore the forests of Hyrule as once you did.

 

 

The Legend of Zelda (NES) - 100% Full Game Walkthrough

 

Don’t forget your wooden sword.

 

When you’re done feeding bombs to Dodongo, fast forward to … 

 

The High 80s

 

Apply this formula to relive the zenith of mass-market popular entertainment.

  • Around All Hallows’ Eve on a Friday evening, run through the drive-up at McDonald’s. Order a 20-piece McNugget and a large orange Hi-C.
  • Retreat to your bedroom once again. This time, trade up to a newer TV with push-button controls--an angular black model such as dominated store shelves in the 80s. Connect your Sega Genesis to this TV.
  • Insert your copy of Altered Beast, and raise 1989 from the grave.

 

Altered Beast (Genesis) Playthrough - NintendoComplete

After that, it’s time to bid the 80s farewell and venture into …

 

The Early 90s

Enact this ritual to experience anew the glow of post-Cold War optimism:

 

  • On a Saturday afternoon in July, move your CRT so you’re sitting right next to a vintage 80s window air conditioner. Switch back to your NES for the last time.
  • Load up your Super Mario Bros. 3 cartridge.
  • Set out to rescue Princess Peach, frequently dipping into the case of Pepsi Throwback you left to chill in the fridge.

 

[LONGPLAY] NES - Super Mario Bros 3 (HD, 60FPS)

 

After your sojourn to the time when the wall fell, you will be nearing the last era your time machine can reach before Cultural Ground Zero

 

The High 90s

 

 

Take these steps to transport yourself back to the final bow before the curtain fell on American pop culture:

  • Take a sick day deep in winter (easy w/ Corona). Plug your Super Nintendo into a console-style CRT TV in the living room.
  • Go blankie mode with a hot mug of Nesquick & start a game of Final Fantasy III.
  • Play from your normal punch-in time into the afternoon.

 

Final Fantasy III Intro (HD)

 

With  heavy heart but refreshed in spirit, return to the present.

 

You’ll need new skills to survive here. My good friend and client Adam Lane Smith will teach you. Take his video course today.

 

 

 

Originally published here.

Brian Niemeier

Brian Niemeier is a best selling science fiction author and a John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer finalist. His second book, Souldancer, won the first ever Dragon Award for Best Horror Novel., and its sequel, The Secret Kings, became a 2017 Dragon Award finalist for Best Science Fiction Novel. He's currently crowdfunding his latest work Combat Frame XSeed: CY 40 Second Coming on Indiegogo. Read more of his work at brianniemeier.com or pick up his books via Amazon.

JUST KEEPING THE LIGHTS ON